As Black women, we’ve been trying to tell y’all for the longest time that we’re naturally amazing. It’s not something we have to announce; it’s just a part of our DNA. The magic just pours out, and if you’re lucky, you can catch a drop.
Now, there’s a new social media trend that’s giving all the proof. A quick Google search of the “Black Wife Effect” will produce countless videos of non-Black men showing how their Black wives were single-handedly responsible for their glow-up.
If you’ve seen these videos, you’ll know that it’s work only a Black woman could do. And as I thought more about it, the trend is about so much more than haircuts and new outfits. It’s really another example of the ways in which Black women are nurturers by design.
Seriously, everything Black women touch is elevated. It’s not just on a relationship scale but on a societal level. It’s not just that these men’s style is better, but you can visibly see their confidence is better. They have a swag that only a Black woman can foster. So, it’s more than just a physical change. These men are being properly cared for.
We know that if you’re blessed enough to have a Black woman touch any area of your life – as a friend, co-worker, neighbor, or family member – you lean all the way in. The “Black Wife Effect” is what happens to you when you love and support a Black woman. But let’s be clear: Black women don’t need to go out and glow everybody up. Ain’t nobody got time for that! However, genuinely get to know Black women – and as a result of that watch your life change for the better.
As I thought even more about this trend, it begs a necessary conversation about misogynoir and toxic stereotypes. This trend highlights how Black women are often expected to take on roles that benefit everyone else. Think about tropes like “mammy” who served white families. Also, the “strong Black woman” trope in which we’re expected to be able to handle anything and everything without feeling. The underlying narrative is that our value is purely transactional.
Recently, Drew Barrymore told Vice President Kamala Harris that the country needs her to be our "Momala." It was uncomfortable to watch. Regardless of her intent, this reinforces the narrative that Black women are still expected to be mammies, no matter how important their primary job is.
The "Black Wife Effect" trend has also shined a light on how Black women are perceived in interracial relationships. A handful of Black men have entered the chat, accusing Black women of having a white man savior complex and abandoning them in favor of white men. Comments like this are frustrating because, once again, it’s unfair criticism. Brothers, please don’t get mad now. What is it that you're expecting from us?
The truth is, regardless of our partner's race, we deserve to be fully and completely loved and supported. The argument that some Black men have about this is hypocritical, because they are twice as likely to marry (or date) someone of a different race compared to Black women.
Every other day, there seems to be a debate about why some Black men refuse to date Black women: we're too loud, too strong-willed, we don’t talk right, we don’t look right, we don’t smile enough, we don’t take care of ourselves — all things that contribute to the narrative that we're difficult partners compared to our counterparts of other races.
On top of these "critiques," we're also blamed for dating outside our race. The sole mission to preserve Black love shouldn't be another weight that Black women have to carry.
Despite the negative rhetoric that has come from the "Black Wife Effect" trend, it has also created a space for people to reflect on their perceptions of Black women's role in romantic relationships. We aren't magical creatures sent here to fix every issue that plagues the world. Whew girl, ain’t nobody got time for that either!
Black women deserve to be supported with no strings attached. We shouldn't have to be extraordinary to be acknowledged. We are not a monolith either. The "Black Wife Effect" isn't an intentional overhaul of someone's former self. It's a by-product of constantly being loved, heard, and invested in.