In a recent viral TikTok video, a man shared a profound piece of wisdom imparted by his mother: "If you're ever in trouble, look for a Black woman." While this advice may initially seem like a guiding light in times of crisis, the response it has generated reflects a deeper and more complex narrative that many Black women face today.
This man's message reverberated across social media, sparking conversations about the expectations placed on Black women to be saviors in moments of distress. While it’s true that many Black women have historically stepped in to support others—often at the expense of their own well-being—there's a growing sentiment that the narrative needs to change.
He mentioned a Black Jamaican professor in school that looked out for him and made him feel protected, as well as Black woman friend that showed him how to take care of his curly hair. This is what we do, right? This is who we are and always show up for anybody that needs it.
My immediate response to this was: “Don’t look for me. Please, don’t look for me.” I’m currently being stretched to capacity. I need my own protection. I need my own direction. I'm trying to get my own hair right. I’m fresh out of help.
As one TikTok user crisply put it, “We’re tired.” The sentiment isn't just about physical exhaustion; it's an emotional and mental fatigue stemming from the constant need to prove our worth and provide support in a world that often neglects our own struggles.
For generations, Black women have been labeled as this "mammy" archetype—self-sacrificing figures who prioritize the needs of others above our own. This stereotype paints a picture of unwavering support, resilience, and nurturing, always forgetting the individual struggles and exhaustion that many of us face. In a society that continuously expects us to be the backbone for everyone around them, the idea of "being there" can feel more like a burden than a badge of honor.
The message behind the TikTok needs to prompt a reevaluation of how society views and interacts with Black women. Instead of solely relying on us in times of need, there needs to be a collective acknowledgment of our autonomy and the emotional toll that comes with being the go-to person in crises.
One important aspect of this conversation is the recognition of the myriad roles that Black women inhabit—beyond that of caretaker. We are leaders, innovators, and changemakers who contribute to society in countless ways. I mean seriously – you’re about to see a Black woman become president of the United States of America. As the dialogue unfolds, it's essential to celebrate all these other contributions and to understand that they, too, deserve support, care, and space to rest.
My takeaway from this is the need for solidarity, not just from Black men, but from everybody. If the message is that Black women are to be sought out in times of trouble, then there must be a mutual understanding that the burden of emotional labor should not fall solely on our shoulders. The burden is on everyone to foster a culture of support that allows Black women to thrive, free from the weight of expectation.
In solidarity, we must actively seek ways to uplift Black women—not just in times of crisis but as an ongoing commitment. This can be achieved through advocacy, education, and creating spaces where their voices are heard and valued. The conversation surrounding this TikTok is an invitation to engage more deeply with these narratives, recognizing the always-present need for change in how society views and interacts with Black women.
We can be certain that this man’s mother probably had the privilege of a Black woman caring for her, at some point. And, she wanted to pass that on to her son. It’s a well-meaning sentiment that she shared with him. Yet, it also highlights the urgent need to address the fatigue many Black women feel. This ‘strong woman’ trope that gets placed on us is not something we desire to have.
It started a conversation, for sure. As we engage in this dialogue, can we prioritize empathy, understanding, and active support? The journey towards a more equitable society requires all of us to participate, ensuring that Black women are not only seen but also celebrated for all we are—not just in times of trouble, but always.
Opmerkingen